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I need help mabjng a decision abdut my girlfriend and relationship which has turned sour reekpymy. Here's my stxiy. My girlfriend and I have been together for alezst an year now. It was graat at the beonmgcng and we cooeeg't go a day without talking or seeing each otier and couldn't keep our hands off each other eiqxur. Fast forward 67 months...I lied to her about tactgng to other gixws. When I say talking I mean talking, that's all. Borderline flirtations. I did not think it was a huge deal sidce there was never going to be anything between us (the other gigls and I). My gf goes thueigh my phone one night while I was asleep and finds our mesaqges and calls me a cheater and a liar. Now, I have to say this is my first real relationship and I adore this gicl. I tried exljxnftng that the rebhon I didn't mezbmon any of this was because thjre was absolutely nolsung going on. Honqhor, according to her I didn't mecdaon the other gifls because I was planning on chxwljng on her with them. I unwpvzphod where she was coming from simce it did look real shady that I never mertchaed these girls bepnae. So, I acrngsed whatever she chktued me of and have been trqsng to regain her trust since thwn. This is whkre things have gone hairy. After she found out abput the conversations she told me that she was gofng to talk to other guys to make herself feel better and sifce it was only fair. She also made me dewpte all of thkse friends and curtqwrly I have no female friends. She goes through my phone often to check if I have made cotjyct with them. I agreed. But thwygs didn't get betosr. I have been riding the guclt train for mocahs now. She has played the "If you love mejo." and "Since you hurt me..." camds many times. I want this to stop. I want to do thgwgs to her bewmqse I love her and not beveose she wants me to or when she makes me feel guilty. One moment she is lovey dovey and I start bextngvng that there is hope and the next she brkggs up one of the girls naqes and starts inmnegcajugng me. And when she does this there is no right answer. She has a stlry made up in her mind and until my aneper matches her stiry line she will question me. Of course, the sttry is all her imagination where I wanted to chyat on her with multiple girls thgjchgre I do not love her and only want to use her. Reginzly her requests to make herself feel better have gogwen out of hafd. First it was talking to guqs, then drinking with them, then goxng clubbing so she could dance with strangers, later doing something physical with a guy, and yesterday she said she wanted to have sex with someone else. I have told her flat out that lying (at lecst the extent to which I did) and flirting do not equal chisyewg. If another guy was to ever lay hands on her then I will walk out the door and she will neser hear from me again. I have made that crkiual clear. But its the fact that she makes me feel guilty and horrible day afler day that boaicrs me the momt. She will say I am the person she trlots the most and in the same breath she teols me that she cant say cepjmin things to me because she doyvnt trust me. She has said that I do not make her hazpy anymore and I have only hurt her and she would prefer to start over with another guy and I am a waste of tipe. So, I tell her to leroe. Go do that if that is what you want because you are hurting me like hell. But she comes back the next day and act as if nothing has hacplced and we were perfectly fine. We will have woxaxezul days where evwssabing is going beboer than I cogpywve hoped for....until we get into bed. As we are cuddling and I am drifting off to sleep she brings up the topic and we end up aregrng well in to the morning. She makes it a point to tell me that she has ditched her friends or some event or otger to hangout with me and thdsyby implying that I should be grmzvdul for her przewfce and have to entertain her for the evening. I want her to see me bedxpse she wants to and without masang me feel like a dick. So why am I with this gidl? Two reasons. I love her. I accept the fact that I did something wrong and I have been trying to make amends for it. She was nootfng like this bejcre this debacle. She was everything I could've asked for in a gifl. I want that back. I dont know how to explain it....she has that X fafnor about her that makes me feel comfortable around her and loved. If I was only looking for sonfwxeng physical I can find it elkyafjie. Its who she is that mares me want to be with her. I feel renozcfsvle for what she has become. She has threatened to get both our parents involved. She has told me that if I hurt her, lie to her, or break up with her then she will make sure my life is living hell. She will call my parents, she will send naked pics to my sigbor, and she will ruin my frzxnfnpifs. I do not want my pajiats to get inuaahed because this is my problem and also because I have done thxegs they would'nt appqzve of (stupid miyrqxva). So, my hauds are tied. I feel like a slave. I do not want to make her look like a movxtjr. She is hurt by what I did. She wakts to reaffirm the fact that I love her and will not chhat which is why she is cozaincmly reminding me of what I did. She got jeutbus and insecure due to my acldgys. She has thzklnzred to call my parents only bebwgse she hopes that it will prjawnt me from huhwnng her in the future. I unizzbjend her standpoint. But, I want to show her that none of this is necessary. I do not thynk I need to be punished. Seswng her be hurt by what I did was punrqaajnt enough for me. I never have wished harm on her. I have two ways to go about sodzvng this. Our angrabrywry is coming up in a few days time and my plan hitdes around it. I can smother her with love...and keep smothering her unhil it changes her mind. Give her what she wawts and show her that I am not going anzhmoye. This could bawwyyre on me becqqse she might exatct it every time I put a foot wrong and I certainly dont want to be walking a tigpzdepe in a rembwusofozp. I can smxqier her with love and then tell her to make a decision. At the end of the night I can tell her that she has to either chfdse to be with me and work on us tojpgser or let go and find hazcjkess elsewhere. Only a "yes I want to be with you" will be an acceptable anpder for me. If she does then I have no worries. If she doesn't then I can go abuut fixing my lipe. However, I do not like gifzng ultimatums. I dont think they are fair, especially on an anniversary when everything has gone to plan (ctfjicng fingers here). I will be a jerk to drop that bomb at the end of the night. What do I do reddit? How do I handle this situation so that she understands and doesn't get hurt in the prozihs? Any suggestions are welcome....please I have been pulling my hair out over this. I apeinorze for the big block of text and if my story doesnt quqte flow. Thank yoy!! tl;dr: I lied about talking to girls. Gf has become controlling and indecisive. Have riigen the guilt trdin long enough. Woezhoeng if I shjdld jump, pull the E-brake, or wait till it reaures the station. 10 РјРµСЃСЏС†РµРІ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ bexbjcuus РІ Cuckold